Remember when Kathy Hilton asked “Who’s Hunky Dory?” and was crowned the queen of comedy by Gen X moms and gay men who still call things fierce?
Things were so simple then. Then inflation hit and the ante had to keep rising, and now we’re watching Kathy stumble through a runway so she can get her desperately desired screentime all while purporting herself as the kooky lady who never knows where she is.
There’s a certain charm to the Kathy Hilton experience on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Behind the scenes, she’s (allegedly) calling DJs gay slurs and forcibly imprisoning her daughter in one of those “rehabilitation” camps that should be illegal. On screen, she just bumbles around with a portable fan and a horde of campy one-liners she can deploy whenever she needs attention. She’s just playing Aunt Sassy from The Comeback, with even less depth.
That’s all to say: Kathy Hilton was a 48-month sociological study conducted by Bravo TV. We are now complete with our study. And it’s time to move on.
I’d liken Kathy’s Season 14 return to Erika’s home renovation. Everything’s new and improved, if your idea of new and improved is sterilizing what made something special. Sorry Erika, I respect that you’re in a better place mentally and no longer feel the need to be unhinged on TV, but that doesn’t mean your expensive renovations are particularly interesting, nor do they look good. The before and after was kind of horrifying. That British man butchered her kitchen, and he did it with a smile on his face! The cabana looks cute, though.
At least the tour through Erika’s house of horrors gave us a chance to hang out with another cold, Southern mom. Renee Chahoy (Jan Hooks) and Erika Jayne (Jane Krakowski) have a fun dynamic, one that gives Erika something to chew on after 13 episodes of fading into the background. But it’s mostly fun in the subtext, as Erika’s speech of healing and growing from her hellish few years is best seen under the lens that she’s still delusional as ever.
“Some people would be like ‘Eh,’” Erika notes of her renovated (in more ways than one) life. And she’s right. Eh.
Back on the Kathy front, she and Kyle decide to get their annual mammograms while discussing the newly leaked photos of Mauricio and a younger lady. Here, Kyle does what she does best, burying her head in the sand in favor of a narrative that makes little sense. The idea that Mauricio didn’t know those photos were being taken in the Mykonos airport is absurd. The photographer is three feet away! It might as well have been a propped-up self-timer snap.
And Kyle’s whole spiel about how she feels stupid having “wife” in her bio amid all this is… a little silly. It’s hard to watch this farce, even if half of what she says is true, if she’s unwilling to acknowledge Morgan. Kyle’s no stranger to being photographed with a much younger woman, after all.
Is it possible Kyle and Morgan aren’t currently a couple? Could she really want to get back together with Mauricio? Sure. It’s all possible. Maybe she was trying to Babygirl him, having an affair to make him jealous and strengthen their wobbly marriage. But what we’ve seen on screen is not nearly that coherent.
I’ll give it to Kathy, though. Kyle’s confessional delivery of “this is not a fun experience, and very anxiety provoking” spliced between Kathy asking, “Who’s got bigger boobs, Kyle or me?” was really funny. I’d probably enjoy her more as a guest who appears a few times per season.
Meanwhile, Dorit and Garcelle finally have a one-on-one sit down, their first since last season’s ill-fated lunch. It’s always refreshing to see a one-on-one on RHOBH, the Housewives franchise most allergic to sit downs. I’ll note we haven’t had a full-on Kyle and Dorit sitdown nor a Sutton and Dorit sitdown this year, both scenes that would bolster the season’s narrative handily. A competent show would give us a Boz and Sutton sit down, too, for good measure.
At lunch, the ladies make the shocking decision to order a chopped beet salad whilst ignoring the yummy-looking fried calamari and neapolitan sandwich. It’s a nice scene otherwise, one where the two poke at the Morgan Wade hornet’s nest. The continued question is: Will anyone do this to Kyle’s face? Or will we have to wait for another teary-eyed reunion?
Finally, everyone convenes for the Sutton Stracke fashion show. Reba unfortunately is not in attendance, as Glenn Close had a scheduling conflict (written in-universe as a “flight cancellation”).
This is a classic Beverly Hills event, one with real extras. There’s a certain serotonin boost from cameramen capturing the women from voyeuristic angles as the muffled voices of hundreds of others wash over us like waves on the beach. It’ll always be more exciting than a “party” where the only people in attendance are cast members. There’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it shot of some short old lady in a permed wig and blood orange shawl. I’d like to know more about her.
I think that shot was included for a reason. Kathy saw that lady, too, and knew she had to come up with something. Fast. So she fakes a fall (cameras would’ve caught that if it had happened, don’t you think?), adopts a limp, and decides to ask Sutton if Dorit should “do the narrating” of the fashion show.
“No, we’re not narrating. It’s like a real fashion show,” Sutton replies, shooing away Kathy while smoke fills the camera lens. “It’s very Lynchian,” I think, having never seen a David Lynch movie. Someone just threw a rock through my window.
As the fashion show begins, Kathy limps through the stage and tells Dorit, “She said that was very sweet of you!” as a model treks on by.
It’s funny and insane, but it would be better delivered with some haunting music, like the score they used for the Oscars In Memoriam segment. I would never deny the humor of her fake schtick and the short term rewards it bestows upon us. It’s just that the jig is up. Kathy’s growing desperation to be the comic relief of a show that is rarely funny has hit a peak that simply can’t be topped.
If all Kathy can do is bop around aimlessly, if she’s unwilling to dig into the depths of her inner evil, then she no longer needs an official role on the show. We already have Jennifer Tilly bopping around aimlessly, and it’s funnier when she does it. I love Jennifer, and I won’t be taking questions at this time, just like Kyle at the SUTTON green label fashion show.
Next week, Garcelle continues poking at Kyle’s obstruction of the Morgan Wade saga, but it’s still unclear if any of this will make it to Kyle. Lest we forget, Garcelle speculated that PK faked that robbery earlier this season, and Dorit still hasn’t heard a peep about that.
