The women of Orange County are just small town girls trying to make it in this messed up world. Every day, they don their little cowboy hats and clock into life on the ranch, whether they have to saddle up some horses or sit down with a former friend at an empty bar named Verde (yes, it is green inside).
Tamra Judge can’t believe her castmates don’t trust her, after 15 years of being nothing but a nice, sweet girl who has never turned her back on anyone. Sure, she threw wine in Jeana Keough’s face, but that was a long time ago. And yes, maybe she told Shannon that Terry Dubrow “wants to take the Beadors down” just to send her into psychosis, but that was funny.
Suddenly, having a little pep in your step means you’re a “villain.” That’s what happens to women in this dystopian country we call America, where blondes named Gretchen wear bows over their wig-like hair. Prairie girl to the end, Gretchen’s finally getting a grip on the group dynamic, and she’s doing her best to eradicate every last trace of Tamra.
So, she meets up with Emily to make some cowboy hats before the Innocence Center fundraiser, which is a hoedown. Naturally. Here, Emily gives Gretchen the rundown of last week’s Stepford spring fling, in which Tamra stormed out not once, or twice, but five times. The montage is some of the funniest footage of the season, especially Tamra looking dead at the camera to say, “This is the last time I will ever film.”
Gretchen is so gooped by the info, eagerly bopping her bubblegum blonde head while she tries to act like the boy band affair rumor materialized out of thin air. That’s when she loses her grip. Emily is weighed down by familial drama and 20-pound extensions, and she doesn’t have time to hear some podcast clip that explains Gretchen’s innocence. Gretchen could have the whole group on her side if she simply were a fundamentally different person. But she’s Gretchen.
And Tamra’s Tamra. Sometimes she’s annoying, sometimes she’s scary, but she’s always strategic. She may have propelled the entire ousting of Katie Ginella, but now that she’s on the outs herself, she tosses on some fake Fendi to meet the wicked witch of the county in a bar that doesn’t even seem to have employees, just some cameramen, the Housewives, and a blurred background.
“I’ve been the odd man out so many times, and I’m on the odd man out right now,” Tamra sniffles to the woman who hasn’t appeared in four episodes.
Tamra’s not here to reconcile with Katie or sympathize. She’s here to dig up dirt against Gretchen and Slade before promptly tossing the dead fish back into the water. Katie shares info we’ve already heard—that she (allegedly) covered up for Gretchen with regard to the roofie rumor—and disappears right back into the abyss. Neither bringing the heat nor making waves, I fear.
Look, not everyone can light up the screen the way Jenn’s “pet psychic” does. That woman is grifting on a level us mortals can’t fathom. While she’s telling Jen to carry her heavy dog more, Heather Dubrow is advocating for an equally important cause, hosting a fundraiser for LGBTQ+ youth for the Trevor Project.
Finally, the ladies toss on their country finest for Emily’s Innocence Center fundraiser, where the most jarring backing music welcomes the ladies into their latest battle field. Slade gets right into the spirit of the old South, telling Gretchen none of the husbands respect Eddie Judge because he lets his wayward wife say whatever she wants. He should take a note from Terry Dubrow on how to love being a Househusband. Use your power to upstage Gina by matching her donation, Slade! Stop trying to spread pseudo-revenge porn.
Slade may try to have a moment, of which he’s been severely deprived spending the season on the sidelines, but a moment he does not have. The second Gretchen and Slade try to saddle up a confrontation with Tamra, she walks right out the door. Tamra is obsessed with walking out of rooms, it’s pretty much all she can do anymore. Maybe that’s the one trick she’s learned in therapy: remove yourself from a situation before it escalates.
But escalate it does, only between Gretchen and Emily.
“You said we came off aggressively?” Gretchen asks her, before Emily replies: “You did. Both of you did, yes. It made me uncomfortable, and I’m f---ing aggressive.”
Thus, Gretchen loses her cool, shouting at the top of her lungs in defense of Slade, leading everyone to back up and walk away from her, too. On one end, you have Tamra threatening to quit and flailing every other moment, leaving Gretchen all alone on the stage to collect her win. But she just can’t help herself from walking right off and falling to her death each time.
Incompetence is the name of the game in Orange County, where brute unlikeability leads everyone to disastrous dead-ends. This may be the land of cul-de-sacs, but it’s not so easy to make a U-turn. Katie’s car has been stuck in a ditch for weeks on end, and Tamra’s triple-A could only buy her one new tire.
The ladies are all on the outs, tensions brewing on all sides, and they just need a moment of calm reflection before meeting again. They have about a 10-hour flight to Amsterdam to do that. Orange County is all but destroyed; maybe some new scenery will do the ladies good.
