A Real Housewives reunion is typically a time for the ladies to come together and discuss the season’s big dramas. The Real Housewives of Miami Season 7 reunion is nothing of that sort.
No, tonight is all about the subtext of the season, those behind-the-scenes and unaired moments that explain just about everything. The biggest, of course, comes in the very last second, as Julia lobs out a bomb so catastrophic and shocking it just might take out her biggest adversary with her. Allegedly, the real reason Julia and Adriana fell out is they slept together sometime between the events of last season and this one.
You read that right. The sapphic subtext of TV’s strangest friendship has officially become canon, enriching a once-perplexing fallout with so much to chew on that nothing else seems to matter.
But there are 40 other minutes of drama, believe it or not. The real repercussions of the affair allegations won’t play out until next week, which (unsurprisingly) seems to take place almost entirely backstage. Fitting for this reunion.
The meat and potatoes of tonight’s episode focuses on something a little simpler: Has Guerdy burnt her bridges with the majority of the cast? Evidently, yes.
After a season spent stoking the social media flames, Guerdy is hazed to hell and back for her supposed double standards. While she was tweeting, Alexia was sleuthing. What did Guerdy do when Adriana threw a glass in Larsa’s direction? Nothing. What did Guerdy do when Julia broke a chair? Nothing. What did Guerdy do when Julia threw a bucket of ice on Marysol? Ran away.
Maybe these women should focus on Julia’s apparent anger issue. That footage of her breaking a chair was kind of crazy. But what Alexia (rightfully) focuses on is, “We don’t all react correctly in the moment.” That’s what the Real Housewives is all about—authentic, unsavory behavior that’s uncouth. We’re not here for notes app apologies come to life.
Although the ladies try to take some form of accountability, as much as a Housewife can, Guerdy wants them to lay down their lives in devastation they let her down. And that’s fair too, but it’s not exactly the right move in a room where you want to crawl your way into everyone’s good graces.
Guerdy lacks self-awareness in such a beautiful way. To her, she “came on this stage to listen more than I’m gonna speak,” despite the fact she most certainly speaks more than anyone else tonight. And she certainly spoke more than anyone else online, given the plethora of comments and headlines that hit the screen. It just goes to show you can cater to the fans all you want, but that’ll do little to keep your spot alive.
Unseen footage shows that, after the drink throw, the women berated Guerdy for “putting all her eggs in one basket” with Nicole, causing her to flounder once she left the show. It also shows the women scold Julia for throwing a drink that same night, while Marysol reprimanded her in the bathroom—all moments I would’ve liked to see on the actual show, but oh well.
The fallout between Guerdy and Kiki is especially brutal, as there isn’t even unseen footage to explain it. It’s purely fans pitting two women against each other, and it’s unfair. Kiki shares that she’s been tagged in a plethora of comments calling her racist for her actions, which is a tough blow given she spent this season being as gracious as she could in the wake of actual racism.
Guerdy even squabbles with Adriana, who tries to offer some friendly advice to no avail: “Guerdy, you’re taking the bait!”. When Adriana has a more clear and concise purview than you, it’s truly time to hang it up. This reunion seems to be the death knell of Guerdy’s time as a Real Housewife, and just the same, it’s Julia’s swan song… or so you’d think.
While Guerdy drowns herself in her own delusions, Julia has decided to take Adriana right down with her. Maybe that shows the difference in their moral compasses, or maybe Julia realizes she’s had a catastrophic season in which she has to do something drastic to save her spot. The season is a time to be yourself. The reunion is a time to set the stage for your storyline’s future.
It’s such a shame that the Adriana/Julia bombshell happens at the very last minute, as it quite honestly deserves a solo reunion. How am I supposed to care about Lisa Hochstein pretending she’s engaged and promptly admitting she’s not when we have a secret lesbian love affair right in front of us? Don’t even get me started on Stephanie and her green blob sitting in the first seat. I did love her saying she hopes her sisters cut her some slack now that they see everyone finds her unlikeable, not just them. Yeah, I’m sure that’ll do the trick!
Now let’s stretch that minute of footage out as far as we can. This Julia and Adriana dynamic is the exact kind of queer friendship that borders on romance we rarely—if ever—have seen on Housewives. Maybe you’ll consider Denise Richards and Brandi Glanville. There’s the ludicrous Porsha Williams and Kandi Burruss “sex dungeon” allegations, of course. You might even point to Bethenny Frankel and Carole Radziwill (and quite frankly, you should).
But for actual allegations between two major players to hit the reunion stage is kind of marvelous. It’s the messy drama you earn when building a truly diverse cast, as openly LGBTQ+ Housewives are still a rarity. After Adriana and Julia broke down in tears over a “friendship proposal” in Season 4, it sure seemed something was brewing beneath the surface. Any gay knows what it’s like to have a friendship that’s more than meets the eye, even if you deny, deny, deny (while coyly fanning the flames).
Their fallout coming after an alleged hookup in the Hamptons is far more believable than Marysol puppeteering some master plan, even if two things can be (and probably are) true. With this affair allegation out in the open, the reunion can really begin. Of course, this brings about the question: Who do you believe?
I, for one, believe Julia, because I believe in the beauty of queer chaos. Do I believe this will save Ms. Lemigova’s spot on the show, though? Not quite.
