In 2019, I was walking the streets of Rome when Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick strolled by; I didn’t know who he was. On the flight home, I decided to watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for the first time in honor of my new friend. It was good! I barely remember it.
What was the last movie you watched on a plane? Did you finally carve out the time for Oppenheimer with nowhere to be for hours on end? Did you toss on The Devil Wears Prada for the umpteenth time? Whatever it was, do you remember how it ended? If not, you might have a substance abuse and/or anger problem. Sad.
At least, that’s the way of the world for The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. In the land of snowflakes and psychosis, nothing makes a lick of sense. Heather suddenly hates Lisa and Meredith; Whitney’s hair is getting redder by the day; and Britani’s scored herself more solo footage than every full-time Housewife.
In the aftermath of the group’s first friendly, fun time all season at Mary’s church, the ladies who lunch are breaking bread—and beating each other down. Meredith Marks may want to move on from whatever happened on the plane, but the rest of the women aren’t quite so keen.
It’s hard to forget the sight of murder in plain sight. Britani is dead and buried, having been chopped into pieces by a sinister sociopath who was half-asleep pretending to watch Crazy Rich Asians. That’s the version of events as told by Heather, Whitney, and Angie, who spend five minutes grilling Meredith on the movie’s end. She doesn’t remember what happened on the plane or in the movie, which is the most accurate reaction to an in-flight movie one could have, even though the others see it as a canary in the coal mine.
Lisa also watched Crazy Rich Asians, though, and she remembers everything. It was so good that she didn’t even remember to go through Global Entry. Drop the Letterboxd, Lisa. I want each and every one of your film takes. I just know she’s about to have a giggle and a good time at Zootopia 2.
Lisa really let us into her life this week, between that and her admitting she’s a “Kendrick girl.” Drake simply will never recover. Whitney Rose will be posting a Drake song on her story by the end of the business day.
The lunch isn’t really about Lisa’s favorite rapper or Meredith’s short-term memory, of course. It’s a chance for the women to convene, without Britani, to finally discuss the plane ride from hell. More importantly, it’s a place to accuse Meredith of popping pills while clutching pearls when she clocks that implication.
Here, Mary looks to find peace in the group amid the turmoil, hoping Meredith will apologize for her behavior. She does not do that, because she did nothing wrong. All she did was provide a little in-flight entertainment. It was clearly more entertaining than Crazy Rich Asians.
Even as the trio of terror doubles down, Meredith remains unfazed. Sure, she feels bad that Britani apparently died on the plane, but that’s really not her problem.
As Meredith points out, she dislikes Britani and Britani dislikes her, so that’s all moot. Still, she meets with Britani in a public park to apologize for implications that her behavior could have been perceived wrong in certain lights, while Britani apologizes for watching Bravo TikToks.
Somehow, it’s Heather who ends up in the worst place of all with Meredith. Once an unshakeable duo, the two experienced their very first rift at the tail end of Season 5, and Heather’s blood-hungry reaction has further cemented that divide. Sure, Meredith clearly did something slightly insane on that flight, and many members of production might fear for their lives, but Heather is being so sanctimonious that it almost doesn’t matter. There’s no worse crime in the world of Housewives than being annoying.
Obviously, all these women are annoying in their own beautiful way—and they all annoy each other—so it all comes out in the wash. That’s where Bronwyn shines this week, having immediately run back Whitney’s implication that Meredith is a pill-popper back to her, leading Whitney to revolt against the total “coward.” Bronwyn and Britani are in a never-ending state of exchanging spots on the bottom of the totem pole. Given Britani got a coveted 1-on-1 and an apology out of Meredith, she might have snuck out of last for now. Britani may be a pawn, but she’s so happy to be one.
After all, they’re just pawns of a production team who love nothing more than to create chaotic, torturous situations. Meredith didn’t even want to watch Crazy Rich Asians on that flight, but that’s the story you won’t see on air.
Next week, the puppets will toss on some George Washington wigs to fight over pill-popping, just like our forefathers (and Heather’s pioneer ancestors) intended.
