“Are we really gonna talk about Trump tonight?”
He Who Must Not Be Named—at least in the previous seasons—has finally checked into The White Lotus, crashing a dinner between gossipy girlfriends Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan), Laurie (Carrie Coon), and Kate (Leslie Bibb).
In an episode that sees one character have a second brush with death, reveals that another’s life is basically crashing down around him, resurrects the ghosts of White Lotus seasons past, the introduction of MAGA to the hit series is this week’s biggest bombshell.
But it’s a rare kind of bombshell. On the one hand, the impulse is to share Kate’s disdain: Really? She’s annoyed that bringing up Trump will bring uncomfortable reality to their lavish escapist vacation; you may be like, c’mon, this one hour on Sunday nights was supposed to be my break from all of that, too. Yet there’s also this tinge of finally to it.
This is a series about rich white people whose privilege is a fortress keeping out anything but their own problems and desires. This season, three middle-aged white women are main characters. Yeah, of course Trump should come up.
Mike White is forever a genius, because the way the conversation happens is a perfect cocktail of satirical, brutally honest, judgey, empathetic, hilarious, and insightful.
Jaclyn has spent the trip so far encouraging Laurie, the only single friend, to have a fling with hottie Russian hotel worker Valentin (Arnas Fedaravičius). She books Laurie an energy healing session with Valentin, and at dinner wants to know “did he get his energy inside of you?”
This leads Kate to reveal that she finds the whole idea of energy healing “witchy,” kicking off a series of revelations that stun her old pals.
Ever since her family moved to Austin, they’ve been going to church every Sunday and she loves it. She concedes the community is more conservative than the people of Los Angeles or New York, where Jaclyn and Laurie live. Jaclyn asks if it’s weird to spend so much time with conservatives, because if she had to spend time with so many people who voted for Trump she’d feel alienated. Kate shuts this down with classic Christian flair: “They’re nice people. Really good families.”
Laurie follows up asking if it’s awkward to talk politics with them, a question to which Kate feigns ignorance: “Why would it?” Laurie then sits up startled, as if she’s just received an electric shock: “Wait, are you a Republican?!” Kate says no—Jaclyn and Laurie’s sighs of relief could be heard back at The White Lotus Maui—but adds that her husband is. Then Laurie tosses the grenade: “You didn’t vote for Trump, though, did you?”
The “bless your heart,” tongue-biting, I’m-gonna-kill-you-or-myself-if-this-conversation-continues smile that Leslie Bibb gives in response should win its own special Emmy Award. Then finally: “Are we really gonna talk about Trump tonight?” Truly thrilling television.
A mention of Trump isn’t the only traumatic part of the episode. There are snakes. So many snakes.
Curmudgeon of the Year, Rick (Walton Goggins), opens up to the hotel’s meditation coach that his father was murdered. “I can’t get my life back. Maybe I can still get some satisfaction,” he says, a line reading dripping with bloodlust.
Some nefarious scheming tracks, as earlier that morning he crashed breakfast with hotel owner and former Thai entertainer Sritala (Patravadi Mejudhon), lying that he’s a Hollywood producer working on a new project and would love for her to meet the director in Bangkok. (Side note: I could listen to the three characters at breakfast exchange confused pronunciations of “Sritala” for hours.) He tells girlfriend Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood) that he’s going to Bangkok the next day. Something vengeful is afoot.
In any case, the breakfast combined with the meditation revelation has Rick all riled up, so he escapes to town to buy weed, and Chelsea follows. He then drags her to a snake show.
I wish I could tell you more about what happens in these scenes, but I had to shut my eyes during the whole thing because snakes are demons on earth, the scariest things one could ever see, and I have no idea how it’s legal to show them casually on television without a trigger warning. Like Chelsea later says, “Snakes are evil. Read the Bible.” This is the one time I’m going to be religious, and agree.
Rick is really high and releases all the deadly snakes from the cages, a metaphor for how he needs a release from his life, I’m sure. That leads Chelsea to get bit by cobra and rushed to the hospital, her second brush with death in two days.
Ghosts of White Lotuses Past appear in this episode.
First, Chelsea’s new model friend Chloe (Charlotte Le Bon), brings up Gary/Greg’s (Jon Gries) ex-wife, Tanya (Jennifer Coolidge), who, remember, was married to Gary when he went by Greg before he had her killed to inherit her fortune, changed his identity, and moved to Thailand. Phew.
“She was a real mental patient,” she says, before alleging that Tanya had actually committed suicide. You better get Tanya’s name out of your mouth! How dare you speak of her in that way! Chloe is on the s--- list.
Belinda (Natasha Rothwell) also brings up Tanya at her dinner with her spa friend/crush Pornchai (Dom Hetrakul). She talks about how her friend and boss Armond (Murray Bartlett) died in a freak accident, and how Tanya screwed her over after promising to go into business with her and ran off with Gary/Greg. After recognizing Gary/Greg, she decides to go over and confront him: “It’s Greg, isn’t it? Did you ever date a woman named Tanya McQuad?” He plays dumb and she shakes it off. I’m not convinced this is over. I’m nervous for Belinda. Gary/Greg, if you harm her, I swear to God…
Speaking of people I would die for, Gaitok (Tayme Thapthimthong) is riding high on his hero status after getting pistol whipped trying to stop the gift shop robbers as they escaped. He asks Sritala if he can join her security team, and proudly tells Mook (Lalisa Manobal) about the exchange. These are fictional characters, but I will murder anyone who stands in the way of Gaitok and Mook’s adorable courtship—especially the bodyguards who soon show up to bully Gaitok and put him down.
Elsewhere at the resort, the Ratliff continues to be weird as hell, and I continue to be obsessed with them. Saxon (Patrick Schwarzengger) is still obsessed with his siblings sex lives/virginities, promising to get brother Lochlan (Sam Nivola) laid this week.
Part of his plan involves getting the family invited on Gary and Chloe’s yacht. “Who did you meet with a boat? Are they decent people?” his mother, Victoria (Parker Posey), asks, another line reading of hers destined to be memed. They have a boat, he counters, so obviously they’re rich. “Just because people are rich, doesn’t mean they’re not trashy,” Victoria responds—maybe the most on-the-nose dialogue of the season so far, but still a joy to hear come out of Parker Posey’s mouth nonetheless.
Patriarch Tim (Jason Isaacs) is still a coil of stress as he learns that the FBI has raided his office—aka he’s in big trouble. When the office starts calling Saxon, he freaks out and decides the family should do the hotel’s digital detox and lock away their devices after all. Pam, of “how wonderful for you, how wonderful for you” fame, is delighted. The season’s biggest breakout star, Parker Posey’s Lorazempam, then makes a return; Tim starts taking it to chill out.
At the end of the episode, Kate wakes up in the middle of the night to see—and barely hear—Jaclyn and Laurie gossiping about her. The different permutations of talking s--- about each other that these women hold has endless possibilities. I can’t wait to see what sparks the next round—and how it could possibly top two liberal white women whispering about their friend voting for Trump.
